Editor's note: In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we bring you a special episode of our podcast, "Chasing Life with Dr. Sanjay Gupta." It's a candid conversation between three friends about the disease they're both facing. You can listen to it here. (CNN) -- What would you do if your best friend (or sister, aunt or daughter) told you they had breast cancer? Would you know how you could support them or what to say?
CNN correspondent Stephanie Elam was in this situation when her best friend since college, content creator and former MTV VJ Ananda Lewis, was diagnosed with the disease about six years ago. The same thing happened last year when Elam's close friend and colleague, CNN anchor and senior national correspondent Sarah Sydnor, said she too had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Sydnor announced the news to the world in an emotional segment on live television. Sydnor and Lewis are good friends. According to the National Breast Cancer Foundation, one in eight women in the United States will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. Early detection and better treatments have improved survival rates, and there are more than 4 million breast cancer survivors in the country, but the disease is expected to kill more than 42,000 women in 2024. And there remains a mortality gap between black and white women, with black women having a 4% lower incidence rate than white women, but a 40% higher rate of death from breast cancer. Elam sat down with Sydnor and Lewis for a candid discussion about their experiences and the lessons they learned along the way. You can listen to their conversation here. Every breast cancer story is personal Each person's individual story about breast cancer shares some of the same contours, but the details and storylines can vary greatly. Most patients are women, but only a small percentage are men. There are many different types of breast cancer and they are diagnosed at different stages (Sydnor and Lewis's was stage III). Like Lewis, some breast cancer patients have a family history of the disease, but 90 to 95 percent do not. This fact shocked Sydnor. "No one in my family has had breast cancer," she told Elam during their conversation. "I told [the doctor] that." "How could I have it if it wasn't in my family?" he said. "About 95% of people with breast cancer don't have a family history of breast cancer, so why do you ask that?" Because we all think we're safe! While mammograms detect many cases of breast cancer, some women, including Sydnor and Lewis, find out about it themselves. Although regular breast self-exams are no longer recommended as part of screening guidelines, many health care professionals still see value in them. Sydnor firmly agreed. "I feel very strongly that we need to know our bodies, be in touch with ourselves, know how we normally feel and what's not normal. And get tested," she said. Of course, women choose different treatment options depending on their diagnosis, prognosis, overall health, values and priorities. Lewis and Sydnor took different paths, with Sydnor choosing traditional treatments like surgery, chemotherapy, radiation and medications, and Lewis initially opting for a different approach. With these differences, it can be hard to know how to support someone who's been affected by breast cancer or another life-changing diagnosis. Elam had to recalibrate her relationships with each of her friends. Her advice: Pay attention to their moods and listen to what they need. "If you're not sure, you can ask how you can best support them through their cancer journey," she said in an email. How can you be there for family and friends meaningfully? Sydnor's five tips come directly from her own experience. Try reaching out, but don't expect a response Send a text message, email, or voicemail with a disclaimer such as, "You don't have to reply." "I just want you to know that I'm here if you need me," or "I love you, that's the message," Sydnor said in an email. "Contact in a way that doesn't demand or require a response. Don't get upset if the person doesn't respond or if days, weeks, or even months go by," she adds. "When you've been diagnosed with cancer and are going through treatment, you need to know that people care about you, but it can be stressful to feel the pressure to respond to every message, letter, and email while also dealing with the complexities of treatment and your own emotions," she explained. "It can feel really overwhelming." Elam intuitively understood this need. "I never had any friends that wanted to be in contact all the time," she says. "But if they've been quiet for a long time, all they need is an encouraging text message as a long-distance hug. "It's about them, not you, so make it clear that you don't have to respond to them. You just send them love and be there when they need you," she said. In other words, let her know you're there. No strings attached. Food, nice food Thinking about sending a gift? Instead of giving a blanket or candle, unless you know the recipient needs it or loves it, try a gift certificate to a food delivery service, suggests Sydnor. "Many of us receive so many blankets and candles that we have to donate some, which makes us feel guilty about giving something from a friend or coworker, even if it's to help someone else," she says.
She explained, "Good nutrition is such an important part of healing, but cooking can seem like a chore you just don't have the energy to do during treatments."
“Strong odors like chopping onions or garlic (which usually makes a meal delicious) can set off nausea or just be really unpleasant,” Sidner noted. During chemotherapy, your sense of smell can be heightened. Delivery of food can be extremely beneficial and wonderful.
A favorite dish left at the front door is also greatly appreciated if you enjoy cooking in the kitchen! Unless you are invited, simply text and leave.)
Reduce your sympathy to a manageable level, Sidner advised, "Do treat your friend or family member with care but not pity."
She stated, "When you are not being treated like you are made of glass or are going to die, it is deeply reassuring." It's wonderful to have the option to snicker or prod one another or discuss customary life stuff without continuously pondering malignant growth."
Experts stated that some home cleaning products may contain irritants, incompatible chemicals, and volatile organic compounds.
Related: Elam knew instinctively that she needed to keep things light at times. She stated, "Our job sometimes is to distract." When it came to Sara and Ananda, I discovered that sometimes all they needed to do to enjoy some normalcy was send them funny memes or updates on other aspects of their lives. They didn't just want me to sit there staring at them with puppy dog eyes.
Got it? Your puppy-dog eyes should be used for something else.
Be careful when sharing your experiences, but share your knowledge; Sidner advised against sharing horror stories.
Sidner advised, "Do share any tips that helped them get through it. If you know someone who has experienced the same type of cancer, do share those with them." “Hey, my wife said to try this cream for radiation burns” or “Try this to help with nausea or sleep,” I cannot tell you how many times.
Keep the anecdotal tales of how everything went wrong to yourself in most cases. Make connections between cancer survivors by being a friend matchmaker, Sidner advised.
She stated, "It can relieve so much anxiety if someone you know has experienced cancer and they are willing to share their experience with someone who is newly diagnosed."
She explained, "Learning from women who were going through the same treatment as I was going through, or was about to start, was a game changer for me — especially when it came to surgery."
According to Sidner, after one instructive conversation with a cancer survivor, she was able to request so many things in the physician's own language, down to the kind of incision she wanted.
She stated, "No jokes, it made me feel a little more in control of a situation that, for the most part, felt completely out of my control even though it was my own body going through it." This was despite the fact that her body was going through it.
Limit the inquisition Elam's final piece of advice:
Avoid asking a lot of questions about the procedures your loved one is going through while they are receiving treatment for cancer. Allow them to tell you," Elam said. " It is our responsibility to love them no matter where they are physically or mentally, and it can be exhausting to respond to every inquiry.
We trust these five hints assist you with supporting a friend or family member going through bosom disease or some other life changing finding. You can hear the entire episode here. Also, just in time for Halloween, tune in to the "Chasing Life" podcast next week to hear the sad truth about sugar and how it affects our health.
CNN's Jennifer Lai added to this report.
Post a Comment